What does it take for a big guy
like myself to get an “American-sized” portion of food in Ireland? It could be
my past days of being an overweight, husky kid but people in Ireland sure like
their portions the size of my little nephews kid’s meals.
Quite frequently I leave the
restaurants here feeling bloated but quite unfulfilled. The first Irish meal of
the trip was a chicken dinner at the Iveagh Restaurant
in the Camden Court Hotel. What
I thought was a salad turned out to be sushi with lettuce. When the meal
arrived, the chicken was no bigger than a patty and the mashed potatoes were
scooped with an ice-cream scooper. AN ICE CREAM SCOOPER! I don’t know about the
local Irish folk here, but when I eat mashed potatoes, it’s usually a volcano
of potatoes and gravy. Even when I have ice cream, I have at lease three
scoops.
Nicer restaurants usually focus on
the presentation, so I decided not to judge the Irish food scene with that
experience. Soon after, we wanted to try an American meal in Ireland. You don’t
get much more American than the fake Italian pizza of Papa John’s. The medium-sized
cup even at the American restaurant was the size of my nephew’s sippy cup. When
I argued with the server over the size of my order, she looked at me like the gluttonous
American that I am.
It is very hard to find a portion
to satisfy my excessive eating habits, but there are a few places that are
hidden, and definitely not Irish. I guess you can say I have a nose for finding
the fattest foods possible. Last night, we found this amazing Australian BBQ place
where they served alligator and kangaroo burgers. My problems with the small
portions were solved at this place. For as much as I would pay for what can
only be considered a snack on the Jenny
Craig diet in Dublin, I got a 1lb white shark meat burger. I got so used to
the small portions here that I almost didn’t finish it but I’m not the type to
let food go to waste.
Yes, I realize I sound like a kid
crying about food portions but I really love my food. Coming from a guy who
damn near cried when they got rid of the Super Size option, I was upset with
the lack of food here. Sure I mean I’m probably a little healthier and thinner
since I arrived but that was not the plan. My roommate is an editor at Eater – an online magazine about the food
scene in Chicago - so I was all sorts of fat kid happy when I found that out. I
figured he would show me all of the good places to eat and what to try but at
the end of the trip I had actually corrupted him with gummies.
No wonder Irish people are so
skinny. They walk everywhere an American slum like myself would drive and they
eat very sparingly. From not melting their cheeses on fries (or chips) to
giving baby-like portions, the Irish cooks have disappointed this husky guy.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s only the Dubliners who eat like rabbits. No no my
friends, even the Belfast folks– who differ quite drastically from the Dublin
folks – eat and serve extremely small portions.
While lunching at Reuben’s
Gourmet Sandwich Co. during our very snowy and wet trip to Belfast, I was
yet again disappointed. What I ordered was a burger, what I got was two buns
with vegetables and a dime-sized meat patty. Ahh the joys of going back to
the States and indulging in Italian beef and sausage combos with cheddar
cheese. (Cue the Homer Simpson slurring sound).
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